Embracing Vulnerability: The Path To True Authenticity

It has been nearly a year since I first came across Brene Brown’s Ted speeches which opened my mind to thinking about vulnerability and wholehearted living. As always happens when new and valuable information comes to light, it becomes necessary to broaden one’s thinking resulting in a shift in world view.
I had no awareness of the impact vulnerability plays in our lives, nor did I understand that it is a necessary part of being, not a sign of weakness to be hidden.
It turns out, (according to Dr. Brown’s research) that connection, is integral to our happiness, sense of well-being and our health, but true meaningful connection cannot be found without vulnerability. When we cannot admit to and show our vulnerabilities, we block ourselves from deepest possible connections.

She explains the difference between shame, “I am bad” and guilt, “I did something bad.” Shame, is a soul and opportunity sucking emotion. Guilt; a stepping-stone towards greater growth.
I have written many times here about how my early adulthood was an experience of profound anxiety, depression and self-esteem so low, it could hardly be measured.
Even though, by my mid-thirties, I had grown to become much, much healthier, I felt that being honest about my past experiences would mark me as someone who is weak and defective so I kept silent. Until I began writing.
When I started writing this blog, I learned quickly that being open about my experiences was not only met with love and support from those who read my words, (mostly complete strangers I might add) but they also served to inspire others who might be struggling. I had made it to the other, brighter side. How sad that I might have hidden all that I have learned out of shame.
What’s more, I discovered that if I were to attempt to hide my true self when writing, there wasn’t much to write about. I was using the key of vulnerability to unlock my own hidden potential without being aware of it, and it was being met compassion and admiration. The very opposite of what we all fear.
“Shame, never serves as a motivator.” And yet we are part of a culture where shaming others and ourselves, is practically a pastime. Knowing as I now know, how shame negatively impacts our potential to contribute to the world, I have given it up. I will not throw shame at myself, nor anyone else.
I will also allow my own vulnerability to see the light of day. My vulnerability exists and it will always exist. Keeping it hidden will steal opportunity. When frightened, (and it is always frightening to step out of your comfort zone,) I will remember that while there will always be those who will use such openness against you, there are more who will embrace it. And that is where real joy, peace, love and happiness exist. I cannot protect myself from being vulnerable without blocking out the best life has to offer.
I chose one word to focus on for 2012, and that word is Authenticity. I cannot give the best of myself unless I am fully willing to be myself. I am not perfect and I never will be so  perfection is not what I am striving for. Life becomes much more peaceful when I accept this truth.
Living authentically means to live mindfully of what thoughts and ideas serve me and the world that I am a part of. It means that I consciously choose in each moment whether I want to live the peace of compassion and understanding, or whether I want to fill myself with disturbing thoughts of derision and scorn. Obviously, given the choice I’ll go for what feels better and since what feels better in this case, also serves the world, it is the only sensible option.
As this year progresses, I have no doubt that having committed to conscious authentic living will bring new lessons resulting in greater awareness. Here, I embrace the infinite possibility of the unknown. I place my trust not only in a benevolent Universe, but also in my own proven ability to survive and grow.
I accept the reality that bad things do happen and so I cannot create anything remotely close to guarantees. I can only gather and trust in my courage to forge ahead, and the strength that I have to get up when I fall.