The Healing Power of Love
| April 9, 2012 | Posted by Jenny Ann Fraser under Feast..., The Art of Kindness |
I also wrote about how it is my responsibility to make sure that I do not allow people in my life who will hurt or abuse me. I made a commitment some time ago not to allow anyone else s judgment, or treatment of me affect my self-worth. You cannot take anything from me that I choose not to give.
And then, just a couple of days later I found myself enduring the wrath of an emotional abuser.
This was a complete and total shock to me as up to that point, I had not known about this person’s temper, nor did I know that that temper had a purpose and it was to bully, berate and belittle. The MO of your average abuser, the goal being to cut another down until they have no strength to fight anymore.
I was unable to escape in that moment, but I can assure you, this person will never do it again. I plan to do whatever it takes to remove myself from the situation so that I have no contact with this particular person for the rest of my life. I absolutely believe that this is the only solution in dealing with someone like this.
What blew me away was the reality, that despite my strength, my love for myself, and my commitment to never giving up my personal power, I was still damaged.
I would compare it to having fallen and sprained an ankle or injured my body in some non-life-threatening but nonetheless painful way.
And now, I need time, space, rest and care to recover and then I will be back to my usual powerhouse self. And just like a sprained ankle, I will in no way be scarred for life. Once I extricate myself from this situation, all will be well.
It is unfortunate, that it is the monsters of this world that seem to have the most impact on it and us, but as is often the case when life get’s stupidly difficult, there is a silver lining to even the blackest cloud.
Feeling worn down injured and incredibly vulnerable, I did something that the Jenny Ann Fraser of the past could never have done. Instead of taking responsibility for the treatment that I so wrongly received and hiding in shame, I reached out and said, “Help. I’m hurting.” And as happens when we are truly willing to receive help, it came. In truckloads.
I got it from close friends and family who know and love me, but I also got it from people I have never met in person.
I shared my story with the wonderful women in Effy Wild’s Facebook Group, The Sisterhood of The Book and was overwhelmed with love, support and genuine caring. Instantly I was filled with love and gratitude which has it’s own magic way of clearing out pain.
It reminded me again of what we human beings are capable of when we decide to give freely with our hearts wide open for the sake of others.
So far, since this wonderful group came into being just a few short months ago, it has been my pleasure to write supportive, encouraging words to my sisters, supporting their art and doing my part along with the other 493 sisters to give the best of ourselves in the service of anyone who needs support. Of course, giving really is receiving and interacting within the group has become one of my greatest joys.
This time, it was my turn to receive and remarkable healing has already taken place. My bruised soul is rapidly turning back to it’s healthy colour, and while I would certainly have loved to avoid this incident, it shone a light on some really wonderful things about life.
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There are more loving people in the world than there are hateful people. It often doesn’t seem that way, but if you open your heart, your mind and your eyes… it will show up.
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Sadly, there will always be people who have a pathalogical need to hurt others, and the only way to avoid them entirely would be to avoid people entirely… And then you would miss out on all of the love and joy that life has to offer.
That said: when you come across one of these monsters, RUN AWAY! This is not cowardice, it’s love.
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When you’re hurt, don’t hide. Reach out and remember there is no shame in asking for help. No one can be strong all of the time, so accept the beauty of what you can find when you’re really willing to look.
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How people treat you is never and indication of your worth. Yeah, I know, I said that last week, but I needed to say it again… and again.
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How people treat you is never and indication of your worth.
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Even when you feel as though life has beaten the crap out of you. There is always something to be grateful for. Acknowledge your pain, but don’t forget to put some focus on the good stuff. If it doesn’t seem as though there is any; look harder and let the healing begin.
I’m not sure what is going to come of this situation as it is still to be resolved this week. I am relying on my faith that things will work out in the end, (and I’m hoping of course that the end is swift and painless). In the meantime, I am actively loving myself and others back to where I was a week ago. More than likely stronger than before.
The power behind me is greater than the problem in front of me.~unknown
18 Responses to The Healing Power of Love
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You have written a very meaningful thing here Jenny:) I am so proud of the way you are handling this.:)
I pray for those that are hateful and abusive because I think they are in pain. Maybe someday they will “awaken” to what they are doing and heal themselves.
Hugs!
Thank you so much Jerene!
)
I must say that the way I am handling this is only possible because of all the love I feel surrounded by, especially from the sisters because it is not an experience I’ve ever had before. I doubt many of us ever get that much support!
I too believe that those who abuse are in pain. I know that hurting another is painful in and of itself, but anger is such a deceiving mask!
Your words have reminded, and inspired me to pray for this person in particular, as well as to pray for forgiveness. Of course you know, that it doesn’t make what was done alright, but it will aid my healing. (So will new art supplies I think!
inspiring words, jenny. thanks for sharing them. we learn, we grow, we stumble, learn and grow… we’re human and if we are trying we will learn and grow from our experiences.
Hello Julee,
Thank you for your inspiring words. I so wish that more of us could understand that. I expect there would be less cruelty and abuse in the world if we could understand that we are all just stumbling humans who are here to grow. There would be so much less need to look down on each other and lash out from our own pain. Thank you for stopping by!
That little nursery rhyme about sticks and stones and words can never hurt..yea, well it’s not true…they have the power to give life as well as to kill..and as you said, as much as humanly possible, avoiding that person is being wise, not cowardly. Glad you were able to open up and get some healthy love from your friends on the Sister sight.
Hi Doug,
) Words can be so dangerous and we are always responsible for them. Which is probably why it takes me so long to write a blog post!
So true about the sticks and stones. (I’m going to have to ask my Mum what she was thinking when she told me that as a kid?
The thing is, that I do believe that when we hurt others with our words we also hurt ourselves. I have a fiery temper but work incredibly hard to keep in check so that I don’t hurt others, so I know it can be done. One of the reasons that I love myself is that no matter what, I know that I have stayed true to my commitment to not cause others pain. I like that about me but I couldn’t like me if it weren’t true. Part of my reason for approaching the topic of self-love was to help those who really want it, but also in the hope that I might reach some who don’t realize that they inflict their pain on the world. I might not make it that far, but the effort is rewarding.
It’s always nice to “see” you and it gives me a reason to smile.
Beautifully written, Jenny. Thank you for sharing and inspiring
Thank you Tracey, and thank you for your support. I am amazed by the sisterhood which just reinforces my belief that we really are here to love each other, and we really can do it. I guess that’s how mountains are moved!
I’m so sorry this happened… and so glad you’re seeing it for what it is, not a reflection on yourself, and you’re not going to allow this person to do this to you again. Although the pain of what happened is there in your words, there is SO much strength. I agree with you about the Sisterhood – I’m not as active in the group as I’d like to be, but I consider it to be such a special place. There’s so much support and encouragement and nourishment there. When I feel hurt, I often tend to hide, to pull back… I’m trying not to do that so often, I’m trying to learn to reach out more, but it can still be hard for me to do. Thanks so much for this post…
Hi Gin, It’s great to see you!
I know what you mean by pulling back when in pain. As you know I hid for years.
I didn’t intentionally begin being fully honest and vulnerable until I started blogging, and it hadn’t been my plan at all. It just started to happen when my fingers hit the keyboard. It was the results that kept me going. Realizing that not everyone will judge me negatively when I am truly honest and the kindness I experienced gave me strength. My experience with the Sisterhood has just reinforced everything I believe in.
I probably spend too much time there, but then, I live alone and it is such a joy to have places to go online where I can truly be “me” that I can’t really pull back. I hope to see more of you there and that you find the sense of safety that I have.
Much love to you!
What doesn’t kill you….brings out the whoop ass!!
Oh, —–
You are so right. Even just a couple of days after writing this, one week after the actual event, I realize, (much thanks to your comment) that I have actually gained strength from this event.
It was just what needed to happen for me to move to the next level, and while I am still frustrated over my situation, I see it for the catalyst that it was meant to be.
Have I told you lately that I love you?
Good resolve Jenny, proud of you. When I read your post, I thought of the the value of emotional self awareness, one of the 4 key skill areas of emotional intelligence. The ability to determine how we are feeling is powerful in situations like you describe. Often if we can critically analyze our emotions in the moment, we can make better choices on how we react; creating a sort of distance between our feelings and our actions.
Hello Greg,
Thank you for your kind words.
I agree with you entirely. I suspect that those who have to put others down are lacking their own emotional intelligence, which is why they need act out their own pain in ways that are destructive. For this, I do feel for them.
I try as much as possible, in situations that are extremely emotional not to act at all as I know that in these moments my judgment can be limited. I can always choose to take time to decide what to do about a problem after I am calmer and able to see more clearly.
Hello Jenny
Pain in itself will eat me up and spit me out to cause others pain, if I allow myself to linger within it’s shadow. Realizing that there is a brighter horizon and a life worth living, beyond a dark situation, is a gift from Goddess and we all shall thank her that your vision was blessed to see it. Praying for the ones who’ve hurt me is indeed a golden deed because when healing happens for them, the Angels, glorified visit me with songs of love to let me know.
Hello Karen,
What a lovely truth you write.
Interestingly, in the weeks since writing this post, things have improved remarkable in regards to this person precisely because I chose forgiveness… (though I am watchful for signs of such behavior again so that I make sure I get out of it’s way!)
Blessings to you!
You can’t see me right now but I am jumping up and down and cheering for you! You are so right on so many levels. Doing a mini-wave in your honor!
;-> Felicia
The Journal Junkie
Blog: http://feliciathejournaljunkie.blogspot.com/
Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/feliciaborges
Sketchbook Projects: http://www.arthousecoop.com/users/feliciaborges
Thank you Felicia!
I so appreciate you stopping by and leaving such a comment.
Everything turned out really well in the end. I found my strength and used it to fix the situation for good. I have no worries from now on…
So sorry that it took so long to get back to you.